You Want Me To Put That Where?

The only way I dream is big. When I think about getting up on stage and doing air guitar I’m not picturing me just swinging my hair around, doing a simple kick in the air and a slide across the stage on my knee pads. Basic. Nope. I’m seeing all out, show stopping, balls to the wall wacky splits, jumps, death drops, whipping my leg up in the air so I can play it like a guitar style show(wo)manship. There’s a problem with this vision though. I can’t do a split. Let alone get my leg up past my hip. I am in no way in great condition or well equipped for such awesome nonsense. I have started stretching dailyish to try and limber up but once again I have no idea what I’m doing. So I turn to the Youtube. What I find is a shit load of videos by 15 year old gymnastical Gumbies teaching you how to do “the splits” in one day. Nope. Have three babies, tack on 50 lbs and try that again sister.

So I phone a friend. My pal Jolene is easily on my top 5 list of the bendiest people I know and she runs Afterglow Aerial Arts. She would know what to do. I ask her, “Are my goals unrealistic? Can I do it? Where do I start?”

“Yes. If you’re willing to put the work in and train. You should sign up for the contortion class we have. It starts this week.”

Shit. I can see it now- me in a room full of Gumbies, barely able to touch my toes. I try to talk her out of thinking this is a good idea. She insists. I tell her I’ll think about it….

I start tomorrow. This is going to be ridiculous.


Check out if you’re looking to spice up your life with some new party skills like handstands, fancy hanging from rope high off the ground tricks and more!

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